About Schizoaffective Disorder

“Schizoaffective disorder is one of the more common, chronic, and disabling mental illnesses. As the name implies, it is characterized by a combination of symptoms of schizophrenia and an affective (mood) disorder. There has been a controversy about whether schizoaffective disorder is a type of schizophrenia or a type of mood disorder. Today, most clinicians and researchers agree that it is primarily a form of schizophrenia. Although its exact prevalence is not clear, it may range from two to five in a thousand people (- i.e., 0.2% to 0.5%). Schizoaffective disorder may account for one-fourth or even one-third of all persons with schizophrenia.

“To diagnose schizoaffective disorder, a person needs to have primary symptoms of schizophrenia (such as delusions, hallucinations, disorganized speech, disorganized behavior) along with a period of time when he or she also has symptoms of major depression or a manic episode.”

–Nami.org (National Alliance for Mental Illness)

I have yet to find a definition of Schizoaffective Disorder that first of all, describes the illness plainly, and secondly, tells the reader clearly what I go through.

My mental illness seems linked to my eating disorder, but I’m not clear on this.  They are both part of me, after all.

The mood component of my mental illness came through early on.  Clinicians didn’t recognize this, but I sure did.  I first noticed that I was deeply depressed during the winter of 1980-1981, when I was battling anorexia.  It didn’t help that I lived in a tiny apartment that anyone would have found freezing cold, not just a person with little body fat.  It was definitely the coldest winter I’d ever experienced since leaving “home” in 1975.  My depression continued, and didn’t stop.  I don’t understand why none of the therapists I worked with saw it in me.  My self-esteem was so low that I didn’t have the guts to say, “I’m depressed,” and didn’t think I was worth getting help for my mood disorder.  At the day treatment program I attended in 1981-1982, my diagnosis was, “bingeing, shyness, and slight family problems.”

Imagine that.

Over the years, I experienced a lot of depression, but I also noticed some “highs,” which I probably mistook for “recovery” from depression.  My highest “high” was in 1986.  It actually began and ended while I was in the hospital.  My speech was faster than it has ever been.  I was going a mile a minute.  Talking to everyone, running around, saying the stupidest things that I would probably otherwise have been embarrassed to say.  People, the top psychiatrist on the unit even, (most inappropriately), said to me, “Are you for real?”  My psychiatrist raised my Thorazine to 1300 mgs.

Then, I crashed.

I’ve experienced a lot of highs and lows.  When I’m at my best, I’m just like any well person–even-keeled, not too high, not too low.  I’m generally what’s known as a rapid-cycler, that is, I will be up for only a few days, then down for a few days, etc.  The best treatment for a mood disorder that has highs and lows such as mine is a mood stabilizer.  There are many, namely Lithium and a variety of medications that are also used as anticonvulsants.

The psychotic component came out in the most serious fashion when The Thing began in 1996.  The Thing, I believed, was an Evil Being who lived in my head.  There were a specific set of symptoms that accompanied The Thing.   Unfortunately, The Thing returned in 2010.  I call it “It.”  Here is a description of what happens to me when I experience It, which is identical to The Thing:

http://juliemadblogger.wordpress.com/2011/01/30/regarding-it/

Over time, It seemed to worsen and worsen, just as The Thing did.  I added to this list at some point but I didn’t post the new list.

My life was unmanageable while I had It, but gradually, It disappeared.  From January 28 until March 24, I kept a journal called The It Notebook about my life and experiences with It.  In the notebook I included my papers written at McLean Hospital in January.  I’ve posted most of these entries in this blog.

Although It is gone, my depression continues.  I link my depression to my eating disorder and the medical complications I am currently experiencing.   I feel hopeless about my life right now.  My therapist and I are working on all this.  We shall see.