Blog Archives
This is what I am going to do with the audio posts from my inpatient stay
I have posts I did from February 9, 12, 13, 16, 17, 18, and 20 that are audio posts phoned in from the Alcott unit while I was there. The social worker told me that blogging, even done over the phone, consisted of “online access” and therefore I was not allowed to phone into my blog anymore.
Of course, this was not the actual reason. They were scared of what I would say. I was, after all, an out-of-control mental patient with poor judgment and a poor sense of morals, right? Can’t be trusted for a second, right? Tells huge lies, right? Might get angry and say anything, right?
Today my T told me I owed the unit an apology for blogging while I was there. She said this to me, and yet she herself had not listened to the posts. Not a single one of them. Not one. How dare she say that I should apologized based on no evidence.
I went back and listened, finally, to every single one of my posts in entirety. I told my T today that I never name names. I was concerned that perhaps I’d let one slip by. No, I hadn’t let any names slip by. Most of the posts talk entirely about myself and my physical or mental condition and how I am responding to treatment. I read journal entries, some of which have nothing to do with Alcott or the patients or staff there. I talk about a couple of things that happen there that make me angry in general terms.
I have my doubts about the entry from February 13. In it, I am very critical of specific people and I use judgmental words. I do not name names, of course. In the larger picture, the things that I talk about in this entry are less important, really, than the content of the other entries. I talked about the phone controversy which was fresh in my mind from the night before. That was the night that I had reported the three nurses. This is all stated more accurately in my post about the Five Fundamental Rights that I did last night or yesterday sometime. In the Feb 13 post I did not lie or exaggerate about this incident. I go on to use judgmental language about a couple of other staff. These are not nurses, nor are they counselors. I do not name these staff, of course, but still, I am not happy that I have done this in this audio post. The February 13 post is the only one that I am not happy with. I will most likely take it down. I do not feel, however, that the post was in fact offensive to the unit itself nor did I harm anyone. I was stating my opinion and observation. Patients often state opinions and observations far worse. It is part of their job to absorb this and take it all in, to let it go, or perhaps, to learn. I do not plan to apologize to the unit. I do not plan to apologize to the unit. I do not plan to apologize to the unit. I do not plan to apologize to the unit.
They denied me my telephone rights from the moment I walked onto the unit, before I even blogged once. They claimed that I was medically stable when I was released, but I think it had been days since my blood had been tested for dehydration, or tested at all. There is no question in my mind that I was dehydrated the last two days of my stay, and at the time of release. I came in and told them what my “behaviors” were. My behaviors are restricting, completely not eating for long periods, and massive binge eating. They fed me and repeatedly monitored me for purging behavior, saying it was “the rules.” They restricted my water intake. After a big fight, I finally had this restriction lifted. After this, access to water was very, very limited anyway. They gave me no treatment for binge eating. They fucking owe me an apology.
There is more. There was this huge other issue going on that, to tell you the truth, I can’t tell you about. It has nothing to do with me really. Something was going on. It’s not my place to talk about it specifically here or in a public platform, just not an okay thing to do. I do what I believe is right. If I see something happening that I believe is an injustice that is harming someone or a group of people, I speak up. I encourage everyone to look into your souls about things like this. It’s never really cut and dry.
Like if you see someone beating a dog. What do you do? Take the person aside to some corner somewhere, and beat them up yourself? Call the police? Shoot the person? Get in-between the person and the dog and try to take the dog away from the person? I know plenty of reasonable people who would have chosen #1, but I don’t think it’s the best idea. So you’ve beaten them up. Now what? What have you proven? Call the police and who knows if they will come. Don’t shoot the person. That could get complicated. As for the last possibility…What you need to do is to call the cops, just my opinion, tell them what is going on, ask to connect to the animal control officer. This is the one who handles this stuff. Meanwhile, the cops are there. You have done what you could about something you knew was wrong. You didn’t just walk by. Same with me. I saw something was wrong. It wasn’t cut and dry. I looked into my soul. I did something. I spoke up. And that’s all I want to say, and can say, about that.
So back to my audio posts. I will add summaries. I will remove the audio from the 13th, and leave the summary. I should add that the sound quality of the audio post on the 13th isn’t that great, anyway. Probably it was the phone connection, or maybe it was a lousy phone. Psych units always have lousy phones. Some of these entries are really poignant, by the way. I love the way I read my journal entries aloud. They are a historical record. I can’t forget this.
