I don’t know why I love spreading this stuff around. I keep telling myself someone will benefit. I tell myself that someone else was hurt by this person and was told, “No, you’re crazy, that’s not even possible,” just like I was by my so-called “friends.” I hope that my sharing this stuff is at least affirmative. No, you’re not crazy. No one should call you that. You went to a shrink to get help, not to get abused.
There is a fine line. Why do I say this? Because you are alone with the psychiatrist and you have no witnesses. Anything can happen, good or bad. Whatever happens the shrink can twist around and call a “healing experience.” That can mess up your head for a long time.
I know. It happened to me. You are not alone.
“Why don’t you stop talking about it. Don’t you realize how few people really care about the things you are passionate about? Give it up. Do something else.”
For whatever reason, whenever I hear people say things like that, which has been more than once, afterward, I retain the memory of how those cruel words made me feel for a long, long time. Ten people can then tell me otherwise, that they do care, that I should keep going, but still, the words of the naysayers haunt me and I only wish I could shut those words out.
“No one cares about eating disorders.”
“Human rights are trivial.”
“Writing is a useless skill.”
“What you do is worthless.”
“You will never succeed.”
“No one appreciates what you do.”
“You have no talent.”
“Just give up. The masses must be right, so why don’t you go join them?”
I am so, so tired of hearing these untrue and unfounded statements. I fear that so many like myself, those that for whatever reason have chosen some other path, hear the words of the naysayers as well, perhaps too many times, and simply cannot help but give in to the pressures.
What is truly baffling is that these naysayers are cloaked as “positive.” They cover themselves with Hallmark-style euphemisms, assuring everyone with their memes and cutesie slogans that everything is just fine with the world. That will bring in thousands of likes and shares for sure, and the pop psychology media will glow by the hundreds of thousands. Great. We will all be more drugged, more dumbed-down, and more obedient.
Did you know that the overall IQ of humanity has dropped since the introduction of psych drugs? Yes, dropped. And they want us even more dumbed down. I think it’ll make us more docile, easier to manage, maybe keep us in line more, eh?
“You will never succeed.”
“Give it up.”
“Take this pill, it’ll help your disorder.”
“You want help? Come with us. You want a job? Work will set you free. We got the place.”
Here’s my question. This is a matter of tact and manners, I suppose. What would you do or say in the following situation? All this happened ages ago.
I was going to be entering a new situation and a friend of mine was involved. Let’s call her Jan, which is not her real name. Jan told Bill (not his real name) that her friend Julie was invited to come along. Then, Jan emailed me, saying the following, “I told Bill you have insomnia, so he says he has a nice bed. Do you want it?”
I never met Bill before. I didn’t know a thing about him, nor he about me. Do you think it’s okay to reveal rather personal information, such as one’s chronic sleeping difficulties or any personal information without explicit permission?
I wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t tell anyone YOUR personal information, especially if this could possibly be a future in-person contact. For instance, if I am going to introduce you to my mom, I wouldn’t tell my mom *My friend is a cancer survivor” unless 1) this is something you ALWAYS make public such as you always wear a pink shirt that says so or 2) You already told me rather explicitly to tell my mom.
Some facts are benign and that’s understood between people. “My friend is wearing a navy hooded sweatshirt. See him? He’s standing over there waiting for us to pick him up.” This is an identifier, not revealing something personal. The hooded sweatshirt is already visible.
You might argue that I make such things public here in my blog. However, since there are so many of me with my name and variations around, I can’t be found out so easily. So to argue that Bill would have found out anyway….No, I highly doubt Bill ever found my blog nor ever will. I don’t think he ever reads anything.
Immediately after I found out that Jan had told Bill I have insomnia without my permission, I got a bit peeved. I didn’t want to be rude, but it bugged me a bit. I asked Jan not to do that again, maybe to ask next time.
I was shocked at Jan’s response. She blasted me for “censoring” her. I couldn’t believe what I read in the email she sent me. She said she didn’t want to have to watch every word she said. However, I hadn’t censored anything. Censorship is done by an authority, such as a government or ruling body or teacher or parent.
“No swear words spoken here.”
“No use of numbers allowed on this forum because you might trigger other people.”
“No mention of God nor posting of religious material.”
I had not censored, I simply told her not to share my information without my permission. My information should be within my personal control, no? It depends on how personal.
Some information is not that big a deal, agreeably. But I figure I should decide which is which, not some “friend.”
In her email she said she was going to say whatever she pleased about whomever she pleased and I had no say in it.
Later, I noticed further inconsistencies, and downright hypocrisy. Such as Jan’s nitpicking over various words I have chosen to use, and her over-the-top pickiness in general. The above incident was a the first rather shocking red flag I chose to ignore. My feelings are mixed. I don’t regret anything, but on the other hand, I have come to the conclusion that considering I have so little money, I will be forced to put up with a crappy situation no matter what. Until I get more money.
The above is only a slice of the crap. Then it got worse. I deal with it. Time has passed. My real life now is way, way beyond the crap. It has nothing to do with “Jan” and her abuse. Nothing. I learned that, somewhat the hard way.
Here is a story of someone applying for a job outside the box:
I love this type of story! I hope he gets what he wants. This is an inspiration to those of us who cannot get jobs by the usual means, such as psych survivors or anyone else who has gaps in resumes or no job experience. Also, those of us who have worked in creative fields may find ourselves trying to get by with unattractive-looking resumes.
No job? No problem!
Why not go outside the box instead? Ditch the naysayers who tell you you can’t! You can! There’s a a way to get yourself into a career, even if it isn’t the conventional way. Sometimes, unconventional works just fine.
Let’s face it. We all know theconventional front door to a happy and fulfilling life has this huge sign on it: “Anyone who is a little different only welcome here if compliant to standards. Proof required!” Why even bother knocking on that front door? Don’t keep banging on it. It will never open. Instead, go around the building, even if the alleyways leading behind are unlit and rarely trodden. You’ll find the little known back door is wide open.
Bust the myth of society’s narrow definition of success. Be the new standard by setting your own. Shine in your own right.
Today I felt good knowing I don’t have to feel a sense of belonging nor attachment to the culture I grew up in. Just because I grew up privileged doesn’t mean I have to love that lifestyle. I don’t have to accept it as my predetermined fate. In fact, I feel extremely uncomfortable when I see examples of snobbery nowadays.
I want to reach outside of those cushioned walls. I never wanted to remain boxed in nor sheltered. I was offended by the protection that luxury provided. I am sure that’s one big reason why I left in the first place.
Here, today in the open, I find myself at home with the homeless, at peace with those that have been forced to become wise beyond their years. Comfort has never seen these streets. Here, I lie down because I am tired, not because there’s a bed on the ground, not a roof overhead. I find a buddy here because a person smiles and welcomes me. Nothing fancy. We sit outdoors. We laugh. Life is good.
These times are saner than when I was certifiably treatment compliant. Noncompliant only need apply here, since the compliant are too busy in their waiting rooms, and in pharmacy waiting lines. Why wait? The sun will set on our joy yet one more day, while busy businessmen count their dollars and cannot make sense of it all. Somehow, this time, we will win the night.
Thanks again to Ken Kramer!
Someday, each of us patients will have the satisfaction of seeing our own individual shrinks up there in Ken’s listing.
Ah, revenge is sweet! You try to shrink my head, I strike back!
I must have decided at a very young age that ending friendships was a very bad thing to do. I guess I had that one wrong. I can’t seem to identify how I got it into my head that saying goodbye to a person would hurt that person so deeply that I simply could never ever do it, even if clearly that relationship was harming me. Somehow, even though all this defies common sense, I continued this illogical pattern and I still continue it. I hold onto friendships even when I know I should be letting them end, just because I hate the “Goodbye” part.
Are you like that, too? I don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings! I stuck with bad therapists for the same reason! I thought I didn’t want to harm their business! Did you stay with the same bad hairdresser knowing you could go across the street and get a better cut but felt sorry for the hairdresser?
Enough is enough, I need to practice putting my foot down more definitively. Marching onward, right? One foot in front of the other does not mean tiptoeing around uncertainly or shuffling like I am still on Thorazine.
You know how dismissive people tend to disregard your emails and calls? Or if they do respond, it’s obvious they have not read your original email? Perhaps you have received a response that appears to be copied and pasted from the suggested responses sent to them by their therapists. Ten Responses to Send to Difficult People. If you keep getting those types, and you know your over-therapized “friend” isn’t reading the last three or five paragraphs of your emails, try this one out:
Use the segments you know your pal will never read to throw in those goodies. Offer the person money. Leave numbers and symbols out as these are eye-catching and might actually be read. Tell the person you won the lottery. Or say at the very end you have terminal cancer and have two days to live.
Better yet, what does work is to say that a relative died recently. Make it a parent or grandparent. Or very rich uncle. In roughly a year, you can expect the pals to all line up thinking they will be able to get some of your inheritance. DO NOT tell them you are broke. Just keep stringing them along. If they are total users, then they deserve what they get. “The inheritance money is coming tomorrow.” Then run away as fast as you can. Leave them empty-handed. Users deserve it.
Here’s the article: http://www.webpronews.com/more-unproven-yelp-extortion-accusations-publicized-2014-01#respond
What is your opinion?
The only “favoritism” I have witnessed on Yelp is that they will favor a Yelp reviewer who has reviewed more frequently. An infrequent or one-time reviewer may have more difficulty with visibility of their review. Otherwise, they do not favor more negative or more positive reviews.
Frankly, I’m disgusted with the “doctor” review sites that only allow euphemistic reviews of docs and refuse to publish honest reviews. Almost all allow doctors or hospitals to pay big money to remove negative reviews. Where does this leave us patients who don’t have that kind of money?
Well, of course, we can be as honest as we please on our own sites. Which, by the way, I encourage! Please, please please be honest!!!
As for Amazon, Amazon itself tends not to edit reviews nor remove them unless the review contains obscenities or does not adhere to the community rules. The rules tend to be lax. Go take a peek. I kinda like that. For instance, it’s common to see a reviewer mistakenly comment on how long a package took to arrive, rather than commenting on the quality of the item. We readers are supposedly intelligent enough to discern between a mistaken reviewer and one that is directly commenting on the article’s quality. Unless of course you really do want to know about packaging (like if your delivery dude is THAT nosy….).
I am so pleased with Yelp that they do not edit nor take down negative reviews. Finally! It’s about time we can comment on just about anything honestly.
If businesses aren’t happy that negative reviews pop up on top, maybe they shouldn’t do stuff that generates negative reviews in the first place. Yeah, I know customers can be grumps, too, but we readers understand that, too. We know people write nasty stuff and we know people have bad days and get pissed off for no reason. We’ll read, and we’ll understand. We can tell the difference between “the customer had a bad day due to hangover” from “the store repeatedly screwed up.” You know, you can only cover up those muddy pawprints so much, dudes. How about cleaning that floor?
Regarding the bill I mentioned in the last post.