In my opinion the Silent Treatment shouldn’t be your first option. It could be an option AFTER other options have failed, though. I’d say the only time the Silent Treatment would be your first option would be when you are clearly being harassed.
Examples might include aggressive salespeople who won’t quit calling, telemarketers, spammers, and bullies. You know that any response will make the calls continue. You’ve said no, and they won’t take “no” for an answer. Probably the best response would be to ignore the calls and cease communication.
On the other hand, (and this is just my opinion, by the way), if you have solicited for a job, and let’s say there were 50 applicants. You interviewed six. You chose one.
I think you owe those who sent applications or inquired a response. Just shoot them and email and tell them the position is filled, or at least tell them you chose someone else but to apply again. If you say nothing, that’s the Silent Treatment. It’s NOT effective communication and you have not told the applicants anything. You’ve kept them in the dark completely. You’re not acting responsibly, either, which doesn’t look good on YOUR resume. As for those who interviewed, the Silent Treatment is total scum. For godsakes, give those applicants who took the trouble to interview (some may have traveled a distance to get there, even stayed in a hotel) a call. Or send a personal email with an honest explanation.
Now if you are discriminatory, and most employers are, what are you going to say? Hmm. that’s a good question. “We enjoyed the interview, but we think you are too fat.” I recommend that you really say that. Why? Because it’s honest and it will probably give the prospective employee you turned down evidence for a discrimination lawsuit. You rightfully deserve to be sued, and I hope you get what you deserved.
I’d rather hear, “We don’t like the way you look,” “We think you’re too old and we only like young people.” “We only want women for their tits and ass and not smart women.” See, I prefer an honest answer. I’d rather know you’re a scumbag. So why not just admit it?
The Silent Treatment is irresponsible. Often, organizations choose the Silent Treatment instead of choosing a realistic and heartfelt explanation. Or sometimes they can’t pin down that explanation, or their reasoning is circular or downright illogical, so they choose the Silent Treatment so that they will not be challenged.
“We just have bad vibes.” So they can’t pin it down, no logic to it, just “bad vibes.” That’s not good business practice, but who wants to admit that? Or, “We did a psychic reading on the person and we found out he has bad energy.” Oh, please! That will not stand up in court. It’s discrimination. Bottom line: You didn’t like his looks. Please admit it.
If you think discrimination is RARE, maybe you need to take the blinders off, eh? Here’s the link to those who got caught:
…never mind the 99% that are so flagrantly discriminatory, no one ever bothers taking them to court. Oh, it just doesn’t cross anyone’s mind. It’s “okay” for them to do that. Part of the business. Acceptable, you know.
Email alone is too much. Sign this, donate to that. You owe us….. Update your information, or else! Even with a spam filter, which filters out anything that has the words “human rights” on it, or “meds” or various other keywords, such as humor containing the word “viagra,” I am still bombarded with too much information.
I can’t imagine what anyone who still tolerates Facebook has to go through.
I do want to hear from you. It is a relief to see an email or get a call from a friend instead of all this damn JUNK.
By the way, I noticed the bill collectors from USA do not call on Sundays. So I have written to them asking them to stop calling me on the Jewish Sabbath. Do you think they’ll pay attention? (I don’t answer any day of the week anyway.)
There was nothing wrong with a single one of us. I’m telling you. Nothing. Not one of us was stupid or bad. Why did our schools, our families, our spouses, our parents, our communities toss us out? Whom had we failed, when we were so smart? What had gone so wrong, when nothing was wrong at all?
They kept telling us we were sick, but what was sick? What was so wrong with us? I never saw bad morals or bad judgement except among the staff in those places. Some of the guards (they called themselves nurses) could be very mean to the patients.
Some of the patients were runaway kids. I couldn’t blame them for running away. That seemed so smart. I told a kid he had done the right thing. So why was he locked up? He shrugged and said he didn’t know. And then they stole him away and put him in a higher security place. Because he ran so fast, so swiftly.
I told myself at night, “Run, Richard, Run.”
There was this other guy. I don’t recall his name. God knows what he took. He told me he’d been to a party and that was the last thing he remembered. So, he said, which class am I in? They told him he was in a hospital and then they walked away shaking their heads. Then the nurses huddled together and I heard them say he was paranoid schiz. He had an awful lot of pimples after a while.
Oh, those were the days, those were the days.
Here is that daily dose of good news for those of you who are borrowing right now! Do you think no one can go to prison for being poor? Think again.
Great article. Toss out the rose-colored glasses and drink up some reality.
I am trying to bring as many people as I can into this discussion. What is disability and should we even be using this term? Is disability defined by culture? I ask because aren’t people different in abilities anyway? We have our strong points and weak points. We are all unevenly made.
That said, those who, like me, ended up very uneven might have ended up confused for “mentally ill” or ended up in prison or marginalized or teased or otherwise misunderstood. Or even called a “witch.”
My dad was tone-deaf. In some cultural contexts he would have been called “disabled” due to his inability to reproduce tones accurately. This is because in some cultures, musical ability is highly valued, such as ancient Greece. In modern day Western cultures, musical ability is considered an “extra” and less important. My dad was mathematically talented so no one cared that he couldn’t carry a tune. From what I recall, he faked his way through Schumann’s”The Merry Farmer” on the piano and very few realized he was tone-deaf (except me and my mom, and we laughed over it together privately).
Then there is the issue of accommodations. I do not understand why a person has to claim “disability” at all. Why single out a person, which will end up othering that person, defeating the purpose? Why can’t we all simply state a need? “This is my buddy who will provide a sign language interpretation for all of us.” To me, that’s more about ability and widening the scope and viewpoint. All will benefit. All share. We widen communication instead of keeping people out by forcing them to “prove” they are disabled. I don’t think anyone should have to “prove” anything nor should a doctor be the one to determine a person’s need. Just a thought.
This post, in addition to the previous link I posted, is about as true as anything:
No, we do not need chemicals to even us out. Don’t buy into that horseshit. Being smart isn’t an illness. Be brilliant. Be you.
You are so precious just the way you are.
I have never before heard the term “twice exceptional” when applied to children and learning but here is an article that describes what it is:
Why is it that a majority of the people I knew in institutions fit this description?
You were wildly smart, but somehow didn’t fit in. You were a whiz and surpassed everyone in your chosen field that came to you naturally, but disappointed your boss or your parents or your marriage failed miserably but no one understood why.
You were called a klutz. Or other ugly names. You tripped over your own feet. You were called “too smart for your own good.” Therapy didn’t work because you outsmarted the therapist, but you didn’t want to admit it. You were forced to dumb yourself down since being too smart was considered a deficit.
Yes, it’s embarrassing. Embarrassment was your number one emotion. It ruled your teens. You grew up unevenly and no one knew what to do with you. So since you were so inconvenient, they called you crazy since it was easier. Ah, the chemical imbalance theory fits so nicely. But it doesn’t, does it?
I’d rather be brilliant than agree to that myth. I’d rather boldly go where no one else has gone before than succumb to imprisonment again. Ah, MLK was right. Come celebrate our differences, our magical abilities, our triumphs and stunning failures.
So, are you creatively maladjusted, too? Come talk to me. We CAN save the world, in fact, we’re the ones who can do it.
While we cannot conclude anything regarding cause and effect, still, check this out:
Note: the article implies that mental health issues caused violence. That is an assumption, although if you read what the mom said, she states she was not at all concerned about his doing violence to the baby. So according to her, there was no prior indication. So why is the media concluding that “mental health issues” caused the violence? Why didn’t “mental health help” cause the violence? We can just as easily conclude that.
And I think we all also know that forced care isn’t help. Another count against the Murphy Bill.
Here you can see where I was published in the online publication, Mad in America, yesterday:
I should make a page where folks can easily access these articles or have the links available in the sidebar.