Tee hee hee

Well, another one bites the dust, as they say.  Last week the potential therapist I saw said she actually doesn’t take public insurance.  So that killed that one.  Then today I went to see a new T who says she doesn’t treat eating disorders.  She apologized, gave me a number that I’ve already called, and I left, cheerily, I guess, or tried to act that way.

Yeah, big smile.  Tee hee hee.

I’m not sure how to react to all this.   Tomorrow I start a group. They didn’t say, but I think you are required to have a therapist if you’re in the group.  So that might count me out.  I know these people who are running the group and I get a clear feeling that they do not “get” what poverty is.

Actually, I am sensing this all over.  For most of my life, I did not “get” what poverty was, either.

Here is poverty in a nutshell: You don’t spend money.  Period.  If you do, when it’s even the tiniest bit, it hurts to spend it.  Sixty cents feels like one heck of a lot right now.

I found out a couple of weeks ago that I made a big miscalculation when I did my budget.  I ended up with “extra money” I didn’t know I had.   Nope, didn’t spend it.  It went to paying off bills.  I was relieved that I could put more in, cutting into the debt bit by bit.

Like I said, debt doesn’t hurt.  Not like an eating disorder hurts. As a matter of fact, I probably won’t lose friends just cuz I’m in debt.  It’s a common phenomena.  When you’re in debt, people actually want to help you out.  When you have an eating disorder, you lose friends.  I had that verified today by someone who has recovered who said she lost friends, too.

I am still not convinced that half of this has to do with the fact that I am a complete asshole.  Tee hee hee.

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