Monthly Archives: April 2014
A faithful reader sent me a link to a sound file. This is a “sample” that he found on the Internet of low frequency noise. I downloaded it into my own computer and have looped into a player. I plugged a set of earphones into my computer to listen to the file.
When I have a minute, I will edit the sound file to remove the rather brief empty space at the end, so I will have continuous low frequency noise. I think the seller would most likely prefer that the sound file is purchased at full length, however.
What I have found is that this sound file, if played into headphones, works fairly well at drowning out that damn TV next door. It’s a temporary fix, but I feel a great deal of relief just to have a break instead of nonstop extremely loud TV.
I mean, what else am I supposed to do? Vanna White will never, ever retire, after all. Those neighbors in this hallway will be watching Wheel of Fortune for the next 50 years!
Many thanks to the faithful blog follower and dear friend who sent the link. I can’ t have headphones in all day long, but this will do for now.
There were other times today that I listened to music in headphones as alternative to that Wheel of Fortune. But the low frequency noise is much preferable. Rock music tends to be noisy. Like TV. I long for that lady to just turn the damn thing off. Maybe I can get her interested in hitch-hiking, eh?
It’s hard to believe all this time has passed (it’s now around the beginning of May 2014) and the abuse happened last August 2013. I still suffer the effects of trauma from it. I don’t cry every day anymore, thank goodness, but my fearfulness seriously affects how I live my life.
About a week ago, I received in the mail (finally!) my records from Mount Auburn Hospital. Legally, I cannot share them with you, but I can discuss them using my own words plenty! This place, Mount Auburn, was where this abuse happened last summer. They did send the report promptly, however, much was left out. You could tell that before the records were even filed, they removed pages from my file. The “charts” are notebooks, that is, they are three-ring binders. So the pages can easily be taken out of these binders and tossed out. That’s what happened, folks. My record was taken out of this binder after I left the hospital and then sent to their records department with pages removed.
So certain practitioners made notes in my file stating certain things that of course would have made the hospital look very, very bad, but these notes, I suspect, badly incriminated the hospital, so the hospital clearly decided that to keep their name clear, they removed these notes well before anyone could access them. It’s so easy to do!
For instance, I recall speaking to the nutritionists and these folks were actually interested in FOOD. However, I also told a few that I was being abused and told them part of what was going on. I asked them if I was consuming enough calories and they said I certainly was consuming plenty of calories on my own. I told the nutritionists, therefore, that there was no further reason to drug me with Zyprexa to increase my appetite in an unnatural fashion. I told these nutritionists that adding Zyprexa made no logical sense, especially since my body was asking for exactly what it needed all by itself without drugs. It is notable that there are no notes from the nutritionists included in this record that Mount Auburn sent me. Of course, the nutrition notes were removed! This isn’t a complete record, even though that’s what I paid for! The current record is incomplete and all record of abuse has been obliterated.
Not only that, the name mixup they did is not recorded. If what they sent was truly a “complete record,” then clearly something is missing here. They mixed me up with Julia Green and I am Julie Greene. They did not state that a search of my apartment was ordered, nor do my records state who ordered the search.
It’s most likely that the attending psychiatrist ordered the illegal search of my apartment, and that it was done by police. The hospital could have legally left out my mental health records and omitted them from what they sent me. Actually, anything an all-holy psychiatrist writes is legal to omit from what they send you when you request your records. All mental health records can be withheld.
As for the “sitters,” I was lied to while in the hospital as to who made the decision regarding these sitters. For those of you who do not know what “sitters” are, these are 1:1 people hired by an outside agency to watch a patient. The decision was made by a “hospitalist.” I don’t happen to recall meeting this guy. Apparently, he’s the one that “spoke” with Dr. P, however, I don’t think they truly spoke. I’m sure this was one single voicemail left by Dr. P for this hospitalist and that was it. The hospitalist (this term I had not ever heard of, apparently they do the work that social workers used to do but they are doctors) never spoke with me directly or asked me ANYTHING directly. He assumed I was stupid, unreliable, nuts, etc. No, I needed food, but other than that, as you can see, I am extremely intelligent and witty and he might have enjoyed cracking a few jokes with me!
They had an awful lot of facts incorrect. Totally!
For one thing, they stated that I was being seen once a week by a visiting psychiatric nurse. Not true! My CBFS worker was a person just out of undergrad, and many CBFS workers don’t really have a college degree. I’m sure they don’t. My worker admitted to me more than once that she had no knowledge of eating disorders whatsoever. She had no medical training and certainly was no nurse or social worker! She had come two weeks previously to tell me that they were cutting down on visits. This was right after the first of August. She told me, actually, that she herself would stop being my worker and that someone else would come once a month because I didn’t need someone once a week anymore. I was deemed “low maintenance” by this CBFS worker who clearly didn’t even give a shit about me. I remember that day clearly. I wondered if the next week she’d even show up.
Hmm…so also, in my Mount Auburn records it states that I hadn’t seen Dr. P for months. Well, that’s sad. I’d seen her on her last day at Mass General, the last day she was there as hired staff. I believe the date was July 10th, 2013. I remember the entire appointment with her. It’s sad that apparently when she was contacted by Mount Auburn she didn’t even recall that she’d seen me that day.
I gave her a gift. It was a piece of writing. My computer had just crashed, so I was unable to print out the little story I wrote for her, my goodbye gift. So I recited the entire story I had written for her for memory, right in her office. Guess she forgot all that cuz Dr. P had over 100 patients and I didn’t matter anymore. Anyway, my records state I hadn’t been to see her for months, which wasn’t true. Also, Dr. P had asked me to try taking Abilify again. I reported to her, in this appointment, that I had indeed taken the Abilify and I told her that the Abilify had made me manic.
It was June 4, I believe, that she yelled at me in her office and demanded that I take Abilify. I did. I started it and had to stop after a few days because the drug caused mania. I have a friend who can vouch for this. Plus it’s in my blog! After only a few days on the drug, I was speaking rapidly, cracking inappropriate jokes, and I completely stopped sleeping. Even though I’d only been on it a brief time, I tapered off to avoid a mania crash. I crashed on the 18th or 19th of June, then after that, I was feeling much better in terms of mood and have certainly not touched Abilify since. I sure don’t want to get manic again! I refused it while in Mount Auburn for that reason, but they weren’t listening. However, Dr. P neglected to report all this to the Mount Auburn attending physicians when they contacted her.
In fact, I’ll bet there was no actual spoken conversation between them. I’ll bet it was just traded voicemail and not a real conversation anyway. I’ll bet she rushed off some message about how to watch out cuz I blog about any abuse they do to people, and therefore I pose a liability risk.
Do you hear me? LIABILITY RISK. I was no suicide risk, I was a liability risk for that damn hospital. The order stated that all I had to do was to show ANY sign, anything they could use as excuse to put 1:1 sitters on me, and they’d do it and then claim I was suicidal, which I wasn’t, but they needed an excuse to have them there.
Their excuses were rather loosely founded. I wasn’t agitated. Apparently, they put on the 1:1 sitters due to my vital signs and used that as excuse to claim I was suicidal. Some hocus-pocus excuse.
Also, my weight the morning of my admission, Aug 12, was XX pounds, and then, apparently, they weighed me using the bed as a scale. This is not an accurate way to measure a patient’s weight, not only that, they had these nearly illiterate sitters do the weights. Apparently, my weight showed up as about 20 pounds higher than it really was!
Okay, okay, I’ll tell you. I know it’s “triggering,” but I will. On Aug 12 I weighed 78. I am five foot one inch tall and I was 55 years old and I was so skinny, I looked like death warmed over. Had I been 30 or so, I wouldn’t have looked so bad, but at 55, I wasn’t going to live much longer at that weight. I do know that I could feel the life draining out of me over the next few days following my admission, and I was fairly certain that my weight most likely dropped to 75 or so, then climbed as I was finally able to eat and got hydrated via the IV.
However, the hospital personnel were poor judges of weight. How would they know? They said I was like 98 or so a few days following my admission. I recall one day I was weighed the person said one weight, then wrote down something entirely different, off by seven pounds! I knew half the time they were recording my weight sloppily, but there was so much to complain about that after a while I stopped caring about something such as whether or not they had my weight right. A person with anorexia sure isn’t sloppy about something like that! Not as sloppy as hospital personnel, and if anyone has an accurate scale…it would be a person with anorexia, of course! After I ended up full of edema, I was well up close to 100. That was when I was discharged. Much of the weight was in my lower body and my feet would not fit into shoes at all due to fluid retention.
I have not even talked about the actual abuse, only the records themselves and how records can be fudged to cover up patient abuse. They didn’t mention the illegal search of my apartment. They didn’t mention the name mixup. They didn’t mention the fact that the med list they had from the ER was many years old. Dr. P gave them the entirely wrong info regarding how long it had been since I’d seen her. I had told her exactly where I was going to go after ending my care with her, and by all means, she should have told them. I did tell Dr. P the name of my new PCP at Harvard Vanguard. I also told Dr. P that I had a therapist appointment at Harvard Vanguard in July, approximately one month following my last Dr. P appointment. I also had a psychiatrist appointment at Harvard Vanguard in September, already scheduled, September 13. I told this to Dr. P. I did, in fact, attend three therapy appointments at Harvard Vanguard, two in July and one in August, prior to my entry to Mount Auburn. All were grossly unsatisfactory because none knew a darned thing about eating disorders. Dr. P failed to tell this physician that I had had any follow-up care scheduled with Harvard Vanguard even though I had clearly told her these things. None of it.
I’ll bet you anything she just rushed off some voicemail saying I had a big mouth and was a liability problem and other than that, gave them no information that was at all helpful to ME. Only to protect them and their reputations, which are far more important, apparently, than my dignity or my life.
Also, the records at Mount Auburn state that I was so unreliable that I could not name my PCP. I had just met this PCP and she has a difficult name, difficult to spell and pronounce. I can pronounce her last name but to this day still have no clue how her first name is pronounced. Your guess is as good as mine! That plus I was in kidney failure! I went into full code! Is someone who is dying expected to recall a difficult-to-spell name of someone they just met a few weeks ago? Plus I was wearing a medic alert bracelet! I told the guys in the ambulance to access the bracelet info online (I was passing out) and they didn’t! I’d know if they had because it would show up in my online records via my medic alert bracelet account.
I would love to write to them and tell them just how badly their abuse has affected me. I’d love to tell them about the REAL effect of what they did to me, the total lack of respect and how they stripped me of all my human dignity. I cried every day for so long afterward. I lost so many friends, so many people turned their backs on me, refusing to believe that “hospital abuse” really happens, but it does!
So….anyway, they blew it totally. I will never, ever set foot in that place again! And I won’t have to! Goodbye, assholes. I will never have to see Mount Auburn again, or so I hope. As I always say,
Never, ever shut up.
I love you all.
Better late than never! I am about to record the broadcast and will have it up online ASAP!
Topic? Unless I change it, the topic will be “Lost things.”
Till then, Julie and Puzzle
Good morning! It’s 6:30am, rise and shine! On pops my neighbor’s loud, loud TV! Trust me, it’ll be on all day until 8pm. From hereon in begins my all-day living nightmare. I’m sure it will be a lovely one.
What does this mean for me? I guess I have no human value or worth in the eyes of my landlord or the town or anyone. My well-being and my quality of life is not important in the eyes of larger society.
However, I am a person of value TO ME. I care about myself. I want to have a better life than the one I have. I want to live productively and be in a position to help others and be a valuable member of society. I am a person with high intelligence and I have good judgment. I am also creative and have many unique talents and artistic abilities. I am loving and kind once you get to know me.
If I were a doctor or lawyer or a person who made a large paycheck, I’ll bet action would be taken immediately. But no, I am a lowly person on public assistance that no one cares about. Society has tossed me aside. The sound of my neighbor’s TV is only a symbol, only a small part of how society no longer cares.
The larger picture is that this is a serious case of….
Sadly, my physical condition is getting worse. I am nauseous and I can barely eat. I can get only a few things into me. It’s easier to eat when that TV isn’t blaring. I’m so exhausted, and hearing that TV all the time is just too much. I need to sleep during daytime hours and well as nighttime hours due to insomnia. I can only sleep an hour at a time right now. I have diarrhea a lot. I heard that loud Bingo game downstairs yesterday, directly below me, where hard of hearing elderly people amused themselves. Oh, fun fun to listen to that right under me! G3! G3! Loud, loud. While I tried to sleep. This place is uninhabitable.
I don’t believe, though, that my situation is hopeless. Not for one minute. There is hope for me and for you. I promise.
I am sitting here reading an article on noise pollution but I feel so nauseous I had to stop reading it. The constant television noise next door is intolerable. Bam, bam, bam! Earlier, I heard EXREMELY LOUD announcements from the downstairs Bingo game, because those elderly people, who have nothing better to do, can’t hear a darned thing, so they repeat those numbers over and over RIGHT UNDER MY APARTMENT, extremely loudly, for a couple of hours right when I was trying to make up for lost sleep.
My neighbor has been blaring her TV since 6:30 this morning. Can nothing be done?
My food will barely stay down. I cannot sleep. I feel horrible. I feel like I do not have a home. God help me. This is seven days a week.
Four walls does NOT make a home.
My next-door neighbor is not some partying kid. She’s 90 years old or so. No life. Her son dumped her here and never visits. She can’t hear a thing and I can’t speak to her cuz she can’t hear what I say unless I shout very loudly or use a megaphone. That’s why she blasts that damn TV set for about 16 hours a day. She has no other life and never leaves that apartment.
Sure, it’s against the terms of the lease for her to be doing what she’s doing. But who am I? I’m 56. She’s older and I gotta respect her.
Oh, by the way, my next door neighbor’s son is a Watertown cop. So no chance calling the cops on her. Otherwise, I could, eh?
That sure was nice of that cop to abandon his mom here. I ain’t saying another word.
The following applies to readers in the USA:
You might get good “care” from a doctor if you have money or decent insurance (0r a lawyer in the family), but please, please, IF YOU ARE POOR, do NOT go to a doctor or medical personnel for “help” because you will only face discrimination! If you are poor, please, do your best to stay in good health on your own and stay away from doctors, especially shrinks! Here’s how to stay in good health:
1) To keep your kids healthy, stop rewarding them with video games such as XBox. Read books to them and take them out to the park. Don’t that “XBox” as reward, nor take it away as means of punishment. There’s nothing good about it, nor is it a “treat.” XBox sucks. Toss it out. It’s shit. It’s complete crap.
2) Same with those fast food joints such as Wendy’s. Think about it. That food reeks, doesn’t it? Those places are noisy, full of shouting people, beeps and buzzes…who wants it? Don’t go there, don’t use it as “reward” cuz it’s nothing but a gigantic waste of your money and poisonous to your kids.
3) Don’t fall for the flu shot. Sure, they’ll try to bribe you, with “rewards” such as discounts at stores. But that shot doesn’t work anyway. Why allow your kids to have it when it could cause serious damage? Try to avoid vaccines if you can help it.
4) To get good free advice, go to your public library. Guess what’s at your public library? Books! Yes, books. You can read the books for free! The ones that aren’t reference books you can take out.
5) Get a good nutrition book and use it. There are a number of good ones out there. A good nutrition reference book that you will find in many libraries is called the following:
PRESCRIPTION FOR NUTRITIONAL HEALING
This book has gone through many, many editions. The latest edition (I believe) is edited by a Harvard-educated doctor. Whatever book you use, make sure the book uses many modalities, both Eastern and Western, and isn’t funded by the FDA or Big Pharma, nor sponsored by any drug company project.
6) Rely on word of mouth, but know what advice you can trust and what you must take with a grain of salt. Learn to be strong and don’t use recreational drugs or painkillers. Don’t smoke. These things are a waste of money and they will harm you and your kids.
IF you are STUCK on the following:
Both Medicaid and Medicare…that is, medical insurance that’s from both the federal government (Medicare) that card with the stripes on it, and state-sponsored insurance, PLEASE, please, please….
First of all, this Medicaid goes by different names in different states. It ain’t so great. It’s a dead giveaway that you are poor and a guarantee that you will face discrimination and get poor quality care.
If you are on Medicaid and this is because you are temporarily unemployed, that’s one thing, or temporarily disabled…make sure it’s known that the situation is TEMPORARY (and by all means don’t say it’s psych even if this is the case). The last thing you want is fucking discrimination! Best to say you’ve got a back injury, you’ve been in a car accident, something like that.
If you are stuck on permanent disability, this is what I’d suggest. I don’t honestly care why. DITCH THE MEDICAID. That’s right. Ditch it. Pretend you aren’t on it. Find the best doctors and scrounge…pay the copay. Or buy into better insurance so you won’t face discrimination.
Medicaid isn’t necessarily called Medicaid. It goes by different names, but don’t be fooled. I happen to know that in Massachusetts, it’s also called MassHealth. Dudes, that’s Medicaid. Don’t be stupid. If you aren’t employed and you get insurance from the state, it’s Medicaid by any of their cute fancy names. California has some sort of “Cali” name for it.
If you are a state EMPLOYEE you have state insurance…fine. That’s different. You aren’t on Medicaid. Medicaid is free insurance given out to unemployed poor people.
Discrimination at the doctor’s sucks worse than anything. Don’t even believe the “liberal” docs, either . One liberal one tried to send me to some “faith healer.” Oh really? Because I pointed out that I’d been discriminated against, I suppose this makes me a “special case”? No, dude, I’m poor like plenty of other people.
Apologies…I am still experiencing a great deal of nausea and cannot create the show right now. No, I don’t the “stomach flu,” nor do I have “food poisoning.” Most likely, the problem is related to the kidney disease I have. However, I don’t have any medical care to speak of, no access to this thing called “doctor.” Actually, the biggest joke in my life right now is this thing “medical care”! I have no medical authority to whom I can turn for questions, etc, as my so-called “doctor” has no voicemail or phone access. At my last appointment this so-called “doctor” did not examine me, nor did he answer any of my questions. He lied to me about my blood tests, and threatened me. That’s why “medical care” is a joke for us poor people in the USA. I must rely on Puzzle to heal me right now, and I apologize for the delay! Love, Julie
People have no clue. I can’t get the radio show up because I am sick. I am so tired sometimes I am literally going to keel over from fatigue. Do you have any clue at all what it’s like to be so tired you are going to fall over just from lack of sleep? I feel like no one even understands….Anyway, I have been on the verge of barfing for hours with no relief in sight. I have no clue what has brought this on, either. Ordinary people can of course phone up their doctors and ask why. Me, no. Medical care? It’s a fucking joke. I tried to lie down. Immediately, my muscles cramped up, my feet, everything. No sense in trying anymore, so fucking exhausted. Trying to sleep. I can only hug my dog and hope for relief. I will put up the radio show when this damn nausea ends. Love, Julie
I will be all set with a new broadcast tomorrow night!
So stay tuned!
I am feeling a new sense of hope these days. I am having FUN for the first time in years. Maybe I’ll talk about that.
Also, I received some lovely medical records in the mail. Wouldn’t you all like to know my, er, reflections on that, tee hee hee. Of course, I cannot divulge anything confidential. Only reflections. Those dudes had me all wrong! But, of course, I know myself better than anyone else knows me. Ain’t that the truth!
I have stated that I might look back on my couple of years back in the 1990’s that I suffered from the aftereffects of shock treatments. It was so long ago. I am better off now that I have gotten far, far away from those shrinks and institutions that tried to lock me up…and throw away the key!
Or maybe some other topic to amuse you all.
Till then….I’ll see ya.
Love, Julie and Puzzle.