Monthly Archives: July 2016
Unfounded fears toward “au pair formerly in mental hospital,” fired from job, assumed violent, with no violent history
In a random Google search I came across a forum discussing whether or not to hire a foreign Au Pair. I was saddened to see the discussion of “background checks.” One contributor stated that their family had had the following “bad experience”:
They hired an au pair. They stated that the young woman had been thoroughly screened by the agency. After her arrival, this family discovered the young woman had been in a mental hospital in her country for eight months. The parents were shocked to hear this. They blamed the agency for not screening properly, sent the young woman home to her parents, and vowed they would never hire another au pair again.
They did not state how they discovered the woman’s history. Perhaps it was by an overhead conversation with a relative or friend over the telephone. Or perhaps the au pair had no clue of the bigotry she would face upon confession of her background. The forum post mentioned no irresponsible behavior on the part of the au pair, nor anything objectionable she actually did. I’m sure the poster would have mentioned harm to the children, had this occurred. In fact, from the looks of things, they fired her on the spot, furious, assuming she was a subhuman monster, with no actual evidence that she was anything but a well-screened au pair who was a good match for the family.
Their loss, right?
I hope she got a better job for herself elsewhere. I wouldn’t want to work for employers who were bigots, either.
I know people who have fought such discrimination cases and won. In the case of a foreigner, for sure it’s not even worth the time and effort. Even in clear-cut domestic discrimination cases, I’d run away fast rather than pursue and win your job back.
Who wants to work for a bigot? If you win your job back, they’ll make it miserable for you. Best to leave, go elsewhere, call it a loss, then win your case some other way. Yes, these things will come back to haunt them, never fear.
If you are under 30 you need to quit complaining about being “carded.” Let me tell you it won’t take long before you are refused a job, refused housing, and even refused a date because you are considered “too old.” Just wait till your own family tells you you’re “having a senior moment” and threatens to “put you out” only because they want that house you are living in for themselves. Just wait till every date you try to get is prefaced with “but can you still perform?” Just wait till next time you apply for a job, you are competing against irresponsible 20-somethings who have so many offers they are actually turning some down.
Yes, we seniors and almost-seniors can buy all the cigarettes and booze we want, but most of us don’t. We might look like hell because we’ve been through ten times more than you have, but we sure know better than to douse our troubles in the bottle or go up in smoke. Don’t be stupid and quit asking us to buy those poisons for you. I don’t have a job either. You think someone’s gonna hire me? I’m an old hag. No one wants me anymore. Get some years on you, kid, quit discriminating against people wiser and more experienced than you.
I keep wondering if I should be polite or point out the obvious. Should I let things go, or ask people to behave in a respectful manner? Should I be honest about how I feel if how I feel is not so thrilled? How much discrimination do you endure before putting your foot down?
When trying to find a place to live I have learned that a casual attitude works best. Act like you are picky and choosy when really you are at the end of your rope. Never admit you are desperate, ever. Never admit how close you are to homelessness. Don’t thank them profusely.
Housing discrimination is the norm. My friend is dealing with age discrimination right now. One “roommate” situation turned her down upon arrival. “We should have asked your age before,” they said. “You can’t climb the stairs.” She pointed out that stairs were not a problem, knowing that now they would need a new excuse to turn her down.
She tried again. These folks were more polite but she knew they could hardly wait to say no to her. She noticed they showed no regrets and made a quick and awkward exit when she mentioned her pet.
Never let on how desperate you are, how tired, broke, frustrated, or disillusioned you feel.
You can tell me,though. I am not judgemental like that. I am not fond of smiling my way through life either.
Love is more powerful than anything that happened in the past.
Love will knock down all the crap that was ever said about you and replace it with kindness.
Love wipes out all the bad relationships you ever had. They don’t matter anymore.
Love erases years of loneliness and unhappiness like they never ever existed. If you are appreciated as a human being none of that even matters anymore.
Love is a power to be reckoned with. Together we can do so much more than we could do before. Imagine that synchronicity. Let’s move forward with this. Love.
Voice of the T……
Cool, eh? I wish him the best.
This is from the Washington Post:
When I first started my ED it was because I felt that losing weight would make me closer to God.
I used to hear all those do-gooders tell me I should “work in a soup kitchen” over Thanksgiving. I cannot tell you how often I heard that. It was enough to make me sick. I was told I was “selfish” because I didn’t! Yeah, selfish. Since I had no family to go to, I was automatically “ungrateful” because I didn’t go feed homeless folks. I was then told if I chose not to volunteer it was my own fault.
What was my own fault? That I was not homeless, and therefore, not getting to eat together in a soup kitchen, and instead, eating alone at home for the holidays? You can’t win, can you?
This is what happens when you volunteer in a soup kitchen: If you do, you stay a few hours, volunteer, know that you are totally alone, then afterward, you watch all the other volunteers (who are from some chummy do-gooder club or whatever) pat themselves on their backs, then wipe their hands clean and go home to their real families. You go home to that empty house. As usual. And you didn’t get invited to the do-gooder club (not that you would want to join).
Please do not tell me I’m selfish for not volunteering in a soup kitchen on the holidays. As for my birthday, it’s a long ways off and I’m not worried about turning 59 just yet. I have no worries about “growing older.” However, I dislike that dreaded feeling of knowing I’ll be alone on my birthday another year, and I also dread being alone on my 60th. I don’t mind being alone in itself but I dislike that nagging feeling that I matter to others that little.
Does it happen for you, too? That many of your significant others die in the same month? My friend tells me that every time a certain month approaches, he dreads it, since one more relative is bound to die. For me, at least historically, my ED always worsened in summer, too. With August approaching it all makes summer much harder, like all that doom and gloom of it crashing upon me. Plus the history of the worst hospital abuses always happened in summer.
Why is that? It’s only superstition, I suppose. Or that feeling of dread that makes everything only seem ten times worse, or mere expectation. That placebo effect.
Ah, Placebo! Now you got me giggling in the middle of all this. Take a pill and August is instantly cured.
The Worst Therapy Abuse Ever: John Gunderson’s BPD diagnosis abuse put thousands of women to the grave: Mary Richardson Kennedy included
Please note that this is only my opinion. However, from what I know and have seen and heard from many people, what I am about to tell you is plain as the elephant in the room that has been sitting there for years. Why on earth no one talks about this and lets it sit there, I do not know.
Please read this:
It took me a while to go back and find the article. I’m trying to find the author’s connection to Gunderson. I’m sure there is one, and it’s most likely a financial arrangement, or mutual back-patting.
If anyone out there has ever met John Gunderson, you will note that he does not provide anything like treatment. His mode of “care” is hardly that. He’ll let you say maybe two sentences, then he’ll spend the rest of the “session” spewing out hateful anti-woman remarks and, if you’re Jewish (as I am), a few antisemitic remarks to top it off. Before you leave his presence, no matter who you are, no matter how “normal” you are, you are guaranteed to leave with a BPD diagnosis.
I have personally spoken to a number of people who were forced to see him. They told me they got the same “treatment” I got. A bunch of insults and nothing else. No benefit, they said. Only insults. “I would never see him again!” one guy said to me. “I hate him,” a woman said to me. “Don’t ever see him!” someone else said. Another friend of mine who I know by email only told me, “He diagnosed me BPD but I had the sense that he diagnosed everyone that no matter what.” This same person had encountered other overdiagnosers and noted the same. They love their pet diagnoses. Apparently he is very wealthy and is esteemed at McLean and seen as an “expert,” meaning he has a lot of power and ability to do harm to innocent people.
The problem with BPD is that it is a harmful diagnosis. It even kills people. It causes bigotry, especially in the medical sphere, and often, mental health professionals encourage families to excommunicate BPD family members, stating that the patients “will never change” and that they have “chemical imbalances.” This is not true. The treatment and expectations only worsen these behaviors. Therefore, the diagnosis should not even be given. It is a completely harmful and destructive way to bully a patient into social isolation, and eventually, early death.
As you can see, Mary Richardson Kennedy underwent “treatment” with this man, John Gunderson, whose mode of therapy was abusive and unkind. I myself had only two “sessions” with him many years ago (around 1997) and found him rude and intolerable, and to my shock and disbelief, for a doctor, below average intelligence. I convened with other patients afterward and we all agreed. I cannot imagine what Mary Richardson Kennedy went through. How many sessions did this poor woman have to endure? Did anyone even know that this man was abusive? Sadly, therapy abuse does not come without consequences. After the abuse, which was called “treatment,” which of course, didn’t help Mary at all, she got worse, didn’t she? I personally believe the abuse was what caused her suicide. I have known this for a long time. To me, it’s obvious that the harmful BPD diagnosis and the therapy abuse were what did her in.
I do not fault her husband, either. He, too, fell prey to her phony diagnosis. He was told she had a disease by this authority figure. Why should he not believe it? This sealed Mary’s fate. Now, her husband expected certain behaviors of her. It saddens me that Gunderson harmed this family to the point of killing one of its members. But Gunderson was by all means a woman-hater. He was even cruel to his female students.
Is it okay for me to bash this man and his “treatment”? Yes it is. He’s a public figure. He is all over Google and he claims expertise. I had personal contact with him and I can tell you it wasn’t an evaluation. It wasn’t treatment. It was a series of insults and little else. Because of the grave harm being done I believe that it’s okay to say the things I am saying. In fact, it’s overdue.
If anyone out there claims getting insulted by a therapist for an entire hour over multiple sessions is helpful and does them good, you’re probably being paid handsomely (in some fashion) by the abusive therapist to say so. Therapy abuse causes suicide, homicide, and other violent acts. People who harm others via diagnosis and bogus “treatment” such as Gunderson and their ilk should be stopped. If anyone out there reads this and was harmed by him, do not hesitate to comment.