Monthly Archives: September 2016

Why go on a writers’ retreat?

I keep asking myself this. I see these nice places offering “cabins for writers” and I ask myself why I would PAY BIG MONEY for such a thing. I need quiet, absolute quiet, which these retreats offer, but they also offer big time schmoozing. Say what? Quiet and schmooze! I don’t understand why.

I suppose anyone who isn’t already socially isolated like I am has a spouse and/or kids in their daily life. Maybe a workplace they go to. Maybe a “best friend” they get together with now and then. Or a parent they’re caring for or one they visit on weekends. Or they go out to dinner with that thing called “family” several times a week. So given that this is “normal lifestyle” I suppose “cabin in the woods” might sound nice.

To me, “Cabin in the Woods” sounds like far more socializing than I do in my normal daily life. In fact, it sounds like far more socializing than I care to handle. Why pay for something that I’m gonna suck at and fall flat on my face? Why even bother? If I need quiet, I go to the library or if worse comes to worse (like a couple of weeks ago) I can check into a cheap hotel for far less money than “Quaint cabin in the woods that caters to writers.”

Yeah, I know there are free cabins out there. If you apply. If they decide they like you. I don’t even dare apply because getting them to like you will surely involve ass-kissing and PR. I’m sure there’s fine print involved. And very bad consequences if they change their minds someday and decide they don’t like you anymore.

Folks, all organizations are like that. If they turn on you, don’t be surprised. That’s the nature of the beast. Life, as it is. Trust yourself first. Stand on your own. The rest will fall in place and those that stand with you will remain. The rest won’t be there, and that, sadly, will be quite apparent.


The Princess and the Pea and Sensory Processing

If you have Sensory Processing “Disorder” or have been told you have it or think you might have it, listen up….

Remember “The Princess and the Pea”? This was the Princess who was so royal, so special, so star-filled, so honorable and absolutely princess-like that she could feel a tiny pea even under a kazillion mattresses.

Imagine that. One of us.

For this, folks, she was deemed an even more Royal Princess.

I hereby deem you all most Royal, most perfect princes and princesses ever. If anyone calls you disordered or anything else derogatory, please smack them in the face with these words. You are human and so am I.

After all, peas belong in soup, not the bed!

Thanks, dear princes and princesses, for finding the pea and returning it to the soup so we can all have lunch now.

I found out something about jealousy

I used to think I had a terrible problem with jealousy until I noticed a pattern. I don’t get insanely jealous of my friends who stay in touch, care about me, actually say hi now and then, and don’t end up in snob city due to their rising to success.

It bugs me when former friends rise to success and then, refuse to remain in contact, don’t give out their phone numbers, refuse to associate with me because I’m poor and unemployed, they start acting above everyone else due to their successes, and get into that snob huddle with other snobs. I tune out and lose interest, actually. I try not to pay attention when I see how successful they are. I don’t even want to read their latest updates that they send knowing they don’t give a hoot about me and don’t want to associate with me anymore. I don’t like the feeling that they got to where they are by disowning their less successful friends, those that might not have the greatest jobs, or might not have a lot of money (which to most people doesn’t look so great).

On the other hand, those that have remained in contact and do not act like snobs, I cheer on no way do I feel jealous of them at all. I guess what I am feeling isn’t jealousy, it’s a reaction to the snobbery. And the arrogant snob huddle that shuts out the non-elite, however elite is defined.

Yes, I know, this arrow hits terribly close to home. Due to lack of information I cannot tell you just how close.

Jeff Walker, selling stuff, advertising, and ideas

A long time ago I signed up for some writing classes with Holly Lisle. That is, I signed up for one. I liked the class. There was a lively forum that went along with it and her exercises were very good. She kept offering more classes to sign up for, and changing stuff around to adapt to new and improved technology, which is fine by me. Sure enough, she had me signing up for another class and another, until I realized I couldn’t afford to keep signing up for classes like this.

Then she sent out a notice saying she recommended this guru named Jeff Walker. Jeff could teach you to sell anything, she said. She said he was her guru. She had taken his workshop, he had mentored her and taught her to sell her classes. So she said if you take classes with Jeff, you can sell your books, or sell anything, Even crap.

Yep, even crap, says Jeff. I knew already (from my publisher, actually) that a great way to win sales and win followers is to offer free stuff to potential buyers. Give stuff away. So there was Jeff, with fake mountains in the background, explaining how he was in the poorhouse and then, he got very rich very fast.

Listen, you can’t get very rich that fast without ripping off other people. However, that kind of behavior, the get-rich-fast behavior, is highly praised in our society, meaning that quietly ripping off or hurting others (without admitting it) is actually praised so long as you don’t admit it. Shove ’em aside so you can get ahead.

So Holly was recommending Jeff as her part of her obligation to Jeff. When she signed on with Jeff, this was part of the bargain, that she’d tell her faithful followers, “Hey, go to Jeff and buy from him!”

Jeff’s techniques also involve mentoring, well let’s re-word that one: The Pyramid Marketing Scheme. We know about that one. Tupperware. Mary Kay. Et al. If you have ever fallen for a chain letter these product lines work about the same. The way the money works is dubious at best. Whoever is on the top of that pyramid (and YOU can get there, too!) is getting mighty rich. That’s how Jeff got rich. The mentoring means that you take on new people and teach them: “Hey, you, too, can rip people off and if you sign up with me I’ll teach you how!”

Welcome to the new way of marketing worthless crap. Jeff Walker is not the only marketing guru out there. There are many. “Sign up with me and I’ll teach you how to rip off other people and get rich, let’s do it!”


Let’s look at overpricing first. I don’t respect this advertising that totally exaggerates the monetary worth or usefulness of a product so that it can be sold for a higher price or that a higher quantity can be sold, or to keep customers coming back.

Jacking up prices is actually a bad business practice and I’ll tell you why. You might think, “Oh, this is a great handbag, well made, so I’m willing to pay $150 for it.” However, those that cannot pay $150 can’t say that. The handbag, as a piece of merchandise, might be worth $15 dollars only, wiht the rest of the money from the sales going straight into god-knows-whose-pocket. Overpricing shuts out those that aren’t wealthy enough to waste their money like that.

Overpricing shuts the poor out of a college education. Overpricing shuts the poor out of the housing market. In some parts of the world, food is overpriced. In some regions there is a price on water that’s okay to drink, shutting out the poor and putting their lives at risk. Overpricing of organic food (whether labeled honestly or not) turns “health food store” into a rich people’s snob store.

Overpricing of services shuts out the poor and I mean this across the board. Day care for babies and young children, for instance, can be insanely expensive and not everyone who can’t afford it gets “benefits,” either.

That said, let me get back to the subject of how the get-rich-quick advertising scammers relates to medicine. Jeff promises he can teach you to market anything. He uses examples of what you might be offering the public, such as dog training, which is a service. That got me thinking.

A service has to be advertised. Same with, say, therapy or maybe The New Miracle Doc in Town. Actually, the Better Business Bureau was first set up to stop the Miracle Cures such as diet pills that didn’t work. Back when I was a kid there was a lot of marketing of bogus cures for male baldness, a handful of diet pills (I don’t know anyone who fell for them) and health cures with ridiculous claims.

Some 30 years from now we’ll all look back on Prozac and be laughing our butts off. “You fell for that one, too?” Or crying.

When it comes to therapists, the idea for marketing their services is to make it look like you have not been coerced. To make it look like you’ve signed on freely and that they’re so busy they have “squeezed you in” but probably you’re their first or second client to sign on and they are thrilled that finally someone’s falling for their wares.

Jeff’s marketing scheme is brilliantly designed just like the lectures I attended when I was a Moonie. 1) Convince the public of a deficiency or dire need. Whether real or not, they are hurting bad.

Baldness is horrible and embarrassing. Now convince these guys of just how awful it is to be bald and how much they wish they had their hair back, how deficient and depressed they are, and it’s all because of their baldness. It’s not true at all but you do this to sell your snake oil.

2) Guess what? Here’s the cure! Oh, but it’s only available for a short time and it’s only…..

Therapists do this, too. Convince you that your depression will last forever if you do not get help. Actually that’s totally untrue but most people buy into that one quickly because they’re desperate. Sadly, therapy often perpetuates depression and keeps people sick. The Catch-22 is that many people I know actually insist their therapists are keeping them alive!

When I hear that, I flinch. I really do. That was me, years ago. I was totally convinced that therapy kept me alive. I was convinced that I “wasn’t getting better” because I was “treatment resistant.” So I kept going to therapy thinking I badly needed this therapist to keep me, tx-resistant, alive. Guess what? It was total bullshit!

So now, when I hear other people saying the exact same thing, I know what is going on and it saddens me so much. I cringe knowing I said the same thing for decades until I awoke to the reality. Therapy keeps you sick, needy, dependent, and perpetuates the problem. Why? Your being “sick” keeps you in therapy. Yes, totally circular and that is why you are completely stuck.

After a while I went from one therapist to another, in state of desperation since the last therapist had stripped me raw, not due to any illness of mine at all! So one therapist harmed me in some way, and then, I’d go to the next one, totally unaware of the vicious cycle.

There’s only one way to stop the cycle. Don’t go to therapy to cure the abuse of the past therapist. You don’t owe it to yourself nor to another person nor to the abuser nor to society to “fix” the abuse with therapy which will only keep you perpetually dependent and perpetually sick and possibly unemployed and on disability as well.

I do think there are a few cool therapists out there that actually see you for only a few sessions.  Better yet, one session.  Such therapy has to have a clear cut beginning, middle, and end. And really end with the patient saying “Goodbye, so long, and thanks for thanks for the helpful information.”

I recently almost signed on with a non-therapist “coach” but ended up deciding against it. The basic prices were reasonable but the fine print was ridiculous. I laugh now because if I could make that kind of money I’d be quite wealthy right now, would have paid off all my bills, would own my own home, too. Just from having two or three “clients.”

I thought she was one of the “cool” ones but when I found out about the overpricing I was disappointed. That feeling of “dang, another one!” makes me feel kinda disparaged over the human race as a whole. Yes, it’s a rat-race out there. A rat-race I have no intentions of joining.

Is there a middle ground somewhere? I am not sure yet. I only want to improve my financial situation so I can get away from the constant boom-crash sound I hear at my living situation here.  It’s all day long Bang bang bang and I find myself at wit’s end silently begging a god I do not believe in PLEASE MAKE THE DAMN NOISE STOP but of course there is no one there to hear my prayers. With the money I have now, I can’t afford quiet living quarters. So far, all attempts have led to dead ends. I have made so many!

I’m thinking of moving to a hotel. Looking into that. I spent a couple of days at one a bit ago and it was like Heaven on Earth. Oh…somewhere over the rainbow, folks…..

New wonder drug

Check it out! Big Pharma does it again!
In April, the Cohen Committee approved the issuing of a licence to distribute T_____ throughout the United Kingdom and the British Empire, by Distillers Company (Biochemicals) Limited under the brand name Distaval. The sedative was promoted as a ‘wonder drug’ to treat a range of conditions including headaches, insomnia and morning sickness in pregnant women. Advertisements emphasised the drug’s safety using phrases such as ‘non-toxic’ and ‘no known toxicity’.

The year was 1958! Hmm, was someone I know born that year? And the drug?


Know where it was developed? In the concentration camps. Yep, they experimented on prisoners to make the stuff and they’re still selling next generation Thalidomide, marketed under different names.

When are we going to have Prozac payoffs, Risperdal payoffs, Zyprexa payoffs, ECT payoffs, payoffs for years incarcerated, years put out of work, years of families divided, years of marginalized lives?

We’re still waiting, and I suspect we’ll be waiting a while.

Music that isn’t obnoxious-sounding (totally subjective, of course)

I wonder if I could compile a list of music that I find non-obnoxious. Music that does not get on my nerves. Hmm. Isn’t that so totally an individual matter that I can’t even say anything credible or valid on the subject and probably shouldn’t even be posting this? But I will!

I think Amy White’s music really rocks. Go check her out. She’s not obnoxiously soft. She won’t bore you. Well I don’t think so.

I can’t tolerate Enya (not sure of spelling) because I heard that nonstop at Newton-Wellesley Hospital, so I got to hating the sound of her music and never wanted to hear her again. I do like Clannad, though. She was part of that group, which I think was a family group from Ireland somewhere.

Aoife ni Ferreh sings in Gaelic. It’s possible I have her last name spelled wrong. She, too, won’t bore you. She’s upbeat and sometimes sings a capella. Very traditional-sounding, too.

The old Simon and Garfunkel songs can’t be beat. Some of them still bring me to tears. They probably should.

“You’ve got a friend” makes me cry to this day since it’s a total lie.

The whole album by Talking Heads called Remain in Light, I’d say that’s their best. That one came out in 1980. From what I know, they did that one in a flash, on instinct, and did a whole lot of innovative electronic stuff that was new for that time period. They were criticized because people tried to put inner meaning into what they had done, and were disappointed to learn that the inner meaning had not been predetermined nor planned, but came as epiphany during creation of the music, and this becomes how it is brilliantly expressed to the listener. How amazing is that? Yet many critics failed to understand this. (Lack of insight on the part of the critics.) I don’t find this music at all obnoxious.

Maybe if you feel the intent of the artist, feel what the artist is doing and saying, then you don’t hear it as noise, but as something beautiful.

Maybe if you hear that I am sitting here saying these things because I do my darndest to be a decent human being, to tell the truth at least, to be honest about what I am going through from day to day, then that’s why a few of you are sitting at your screens reading this and don’t mind me rattling on.

It’s not just words anymore. I hope. It’s communication and sharing between us. Or that’s my intent. Isn’t that what art does? Freely communicate between artist and receiver?

I keep thinking about that.



What would you rather do, provide a free but very much appreciated product or service, or try to sell something that few can afford?

I suppose it depends on your values. People have different ways of seeing things. I know there are people who design high-end stuff “for the elite only” and sell it for high prices and make good money. I’m not one of those people. I kinda get sick thinking that something I do would only be for “those that can afford it.” Sorry to say, most people who are selling products make the price as high as they think they can get away with!

I would do everything free if I could. I believe free is the way to go. Yes you do go broke that way but that’s better than shutting out people who  don’t have money to afford what you offer.

In brief, I’m not a snob. Or rather, not anymore.

That said, I took This Hunger Is Secret, the memoir I wrote and published a while back off the market because I didn’t like that it was being sold for such a high price. I wasn’t making a cent off of it! I broke off my contract with my publisher and now, I will be offering it for a much lower price, likely a dollar or entirely free. I haven’t yet decided. The copyright is mine and I can do what I want with it. My other published book is also off the market that I know of. Stay tuned and I will let you know how to get the book! I won’t be using Lulu, etc. Undoubtedly I’ll be adding a new preface but otherwise the book will remain unchanged. It is a valuable historical record.

Did you ever sell lemonade? How did you feel when you worked real hard to make the lemonade and then, no one came to buy it? You felt yucky, right? Because your hard efforts were unappreciated.

You feel better, even though you do not make a cent, passing out free lemonade or free drinks when people truly want or need them at a public place or at a benefit walk or road race. People are truly appreciative when they’re thirsty and badly need those drinks. You feel good and that thank you is the paycheck.

People need to consider this when they think about salary. They need to think about this when judging others based on paycheck, which shouldn’t be done. Is a person worth how much money they bring in? Hardly. Yet in our society it seems that’s the way things are done. It pisses me off royally.

“How much are you worth?” Can we answer this one in a new way?

Can we add up assets a little differently than the car, the house, the bank account?

The value of your friendship with me has nothing to do with what is in your bank account nor how big your house is nor how shiny your car is. It has little to do with your physical appearance, or anyone’s opinion of any of the above. If I befriended people for those reasons, I would not be truly a friend, but using you. I don’t want to do that. Using would be an offense to you. I might ask you a question, but that’s because I value and respect your expertise in the subject. If you can tell me how to get this basil plant to grow, I’ll show you how to make pesto after it grows.




What is better, noise-canceling headphones, earplugs, or something else?

Having tried a couple of those foam earplugs that supposedly block out 33 decibels of noise, and another type of foam ones that don’t specify decibels, I have to say these aren’t really at all effective at blocking out any noise at all. You will still hear it if you can still hear the way humans are meant to hear. I doubt these protect your hearing except to block out the harshest of sounds. I’m concerned that they don’t allow ears to breathe if users use them for many hours. Aren’t those ear holes there for a reason?

Think: Doggie ears are pointy for a reason. They breathe and allow moisture to leave them and this is why dogs such as German Shepherds whose ears point straight up do not get ear infections. Dogs with floppy ears such as Beagles and Bassett Hounds are more prone to ear infections because their ears don’t breathe as well. Moisture can get trapped inside. You must be very careful when taking your Beagle into the shower or bathing him not to get water inside his ears because it’s not going to leave his ears so easily.

Puzzle’s ears are sometimes up, sometimes down, depending on the hair length. After her haircut they stand up and look awfully cute. Right now, they flop down. (Yes, I am going to remember to take a photo this time….)

So when you put these foam things in your ears, they’re hard to put in and not only that, you kinda have to shove them in. So that pushes ear wax into your ear and keeps it there. All those hours that your ears aren’t breathing, that wax sits there trapped. That, to me, does not sound healthy for ears.

When workers who work in truly loud places use these large headphone-type things.  Organizations that have looked into why people lost their hearing after doing such work.  I can imagine these included workers in construction, certain sports, of course the military, some sciences, sometimes music and theater and other performance media such as circus workers, probably much of the service industry such as janitorial workers have to deal with very loud machinery as well. I have seen very simply-made bulky headphones sold at hardware stores and my guess is that these “safety” devices are the best for your ears. They breathe and I’ll bet they truly make you completely TEMPORARILY DEAF. Ah, heaven!

You can most likely make  your own pair our of felt. I mean extremely thick, heavy felt.  I’ll bet it’s possible to do this! If you have an old broken headset that fits well but you are no longer using for music, then add the felt to it and voila, you have a well-fitting set of noise-canceling headphones! My guess is that you should use pads from some other device and put them on your homemade headset. However, we all might not have to go through such trouble at all, since there very well be mom and pop hardware stores selling these RIGHT NOW I CAN’T HEAR A THING headsets for cheap.

Right now I am using a pair called TSC. I am unsure of the model number. These I purchased ages ago for airline flights and I got them directly from the manufacturer. I had a different pair before that that were much higher priced and inferior quality. These were cheaper and much much better. I don’t even know if they are made anymore.

They are durable,  not at all flimsy like other pairs I’ve seen. You can choose to turn on the “noise canceling” feature or not, via a switch on the right hand side. I find that yes, it does change things. Go check it out for yourself. Honestly I am not sure what it does but the manufacturer explains this better than I can. I think they were meant for airplanes but they do not have that obnoxious double plug. They have a regular audio jack plug, the smaller one they have on most smaller systems such as radios, not the wider kind you see on larger systems such as stereos. So they plug into my computer and portable music player, and into many cellular telephones (but not all).

The headset uses one small battery that lasts forever and ever. Remember to turn off the headset when you’re done using them to save the battery! There’s a light on there that will light up so that will remind you.

As for wearing them with glasses, I think it depends on the glasses and the shape of your head. They make kind of a seal around your ears but your glasses are going to annoy you under certain circumstances and that might be unavoidable. The headset presses onto your ears. It kinda has to to ensure noises are blocked out.

With these headphones on you probably want to play other noise to completely drown out what you don’t want to hear. Noise-canceling devices do block noise, but not 100%. Nothing can block out the most offensive noises, trust me. My question is now, what noise will block out the offensive noise but not be equally, or not more offensive?

I don’t like playing music while I work. Why should I distract myself? If I want to listen to music, I want to concentrate on it, I don’t want it bleeping in the background! Wow, if I, as composer years ago realized that “music” was going to mean “background” for people’s much more important work, I would have been offended! Does anyone go to hear the music and actually listen to the music anymore, or do we go and have it drone on and on in the background in some bar while we talk over it?

Is that what art means now? Background to your day? Decoration? Is that what it’s come to? Next time I give a reading, will I be talked over and ignored like I don’t matter? I hope not! (Sadly, some writers have ended up having this happen to them….)

Anyway, the question of what to play into my ears while I sit here writing is up for debate. The last thing I want to hear is anything that reeks of “meditation music” since it reminds me of shrinks and those stupid groups. It sounds obnoxious and often these marketers are selling you something highly priced.

I don’t mind those “mind waves” though that you can get for free. Mindroid and others. Many are sound waves designed to help you concentrate better. You can design your own, too.


Amazing website outing bad therapists…..

Lucien Greaves has a fabulous website. Here’s his reading list:

Rather comprehensive, eh?

Do you know anyone caught up in that? Anyone who suddenly claims to have DID and then, suddenly comes out with these stories of ritual abuse? The sad thing is that these therapists are totally discrediting REAL victims of ritual abuse. There were such children! Of course! Because of these therapists, we can’t even tell who has been brainwashed and who hasn’t! This harms real victims, harms real rape victims, and those whose memories were forcefully suppressed by their perps. “Don’t tell anyone or I’ll kill you.”  Or, “Don’t tell anyone or I’ll kill your parents.” Yes, these things really do happen. False memories are also induced by bad therapists who are power-hungry and have some agenda of their own.

Greaves (aka his other name) speaks of the Castlewood gag order. He’s absolutely spot on there, and I agree with him. I am wondering why we are even letting these judges put gag orders on patients in the first place!

Listen: How many rape victims report rape? A small percentage. Let’s say under ten percent go to authorities, either campus authorities or police. How many go to trial? Ten percent of those reported, perhaps. How many result in a conviction? Undoubtedly more than half get off. So let’s say 0.5% of rape cases at most result in conviction. Depending on who you are.

Of malpractice: How many get reported to an anyone? I’d say in fewer than 10% of cases the word “malpractice” is used to describe what happened. My grandmother’s uterus was removed, and I believe her ovaries as well but I’m not sure, and this was not medically necessary but she was lied to and told she could not have any more children after her first. Malpractice? Yes. Genocide. Yep. But I never heard my grandmother say those words. Ever. Not as applied to what happened to her.

Eventually she sure did find out. I’m sure it was hard to take. She knew there was nothing that could be done. Fate. A shrug.

For most, that’s the outcome. It happened. We lost him. He’s dead. An accident. They might look at each other, and have that faraway look in their eyes. No one wants to say. Why dig it all up now?

I’d say fewer than 5% are ever even recognized as malpractice and ever reach an official, such as a state agency or overseer. Of those, fewer than one quarter can get an attorney. I bet almost all get off. This is why when a patient wins a malpractice case, or even a group wins a class action suit, it’s huge news. It’s so darned rare.

Maybe this is because the dead can’t talk to us. What if they could?

Down the road, the doctor still practices, making heaps of money. No one talks. No one says a word. Another patient dies. Again, the family says nothing. And another. Many survivors fear retaliation.

One day, word gets out. The doctor has died. What has killed the good man, we ask….The  papers have it. We go run and see. It’s here, in the stores, at the corner. Look, here, on the front page.

Murdered by his wife. Now we’re talking.

Okay, I need to wrap up this fiction and get on with my day….


Sexual function, psych drugs, and the Psychiatric Genocide: Is this Elephant in the Room going to explode before anyone notices?

Ever since psych drugs came out it has been known that these drugs cause lowered libido and lowering of sexual function in both men and women. These have been reported by patients and verified by medical science. There is no doubt about this. These drugs have never been used to enhance the bedroom experience.

Many writers have chronicled difficulties with sex following the initiation of these drugs. I recall during my graduate studies I read Lauren Slater’s book on her experience with Prozac. She wrote that it diminished her sex drive. This became somewhat awkward between her and her partner and at first they weren’t too sure how to handle it. I thought it was ironic that she stated so loudly and clearly that she felt better on the drug, that it somehow turned her life into something manageable, but now, she didn’t have much desire for sexual intimacy. That I know of there was more to the story later on, as she was concerned about how the drug would affect her pregnancy.

In my book This Hunger Is Secret, which is currently off the market (but I’m making it available again sometime soon, by the way) my introduction is actually a response to Slater’s book on her Prozac experience. In this introduction I ask if “being well” means giving up something. I laugh now since I have to ask: What the heck did I mean by “being well”? Slater was referring to the drug’s effect. Was I? If I was speaking of “absence of symptoms” I wonder which symptoms I was referring to, since the bulk of THIS was written in the mid 2000’s.

My guess is that I was reminiscing about my experience recovering from electroshock. Even then I still believed that the 18-month period following electroshock I had been “ill.” It took me ages to realize that what I had been through was not “mental illness” but aftereffects of shock. I truly thought for over a decade that I’d been extremely mentally ill during that time for completely unknown reasons! (Only her doctor knows for sure.)

So I laugh now since at the time that I wrote that I believed I’d recovered from something horrific, some horrible “illness,” but really, I’d gotten over the effects of shock. Thank goodness I did. Not all do. So this first introduction asks if I lost something when I “recovered.” Slater asks a similar question, if she lost some creativity when she got on Prozac.

It didn’t look like I lost my ability to write. Oddly, when I was confused from the ECT I was able to write but I wasn’t able to do much else. Writing saved me in a way. Maybe that’s why I became a writer. It was like I was in a prison, finding scraps of paper, writing on anything I could during those dark times.

As for sexual function, I don’t particularly think about it right now since I do not have a partner. It’s not something I put high up on the totem pole as super important in life. I demoted it around age 21 after I felt disgusted with being treated like tits and ass. The decision to stop dating was well before psychiatry nabbed me, a decision I made entirely on my own.

I was happy to revive my sexuality while I was dating my partner, Joe. After he passed away I didn’t want to have sex much anymore.

I think my decision at 21 was a wise one.  I had better things to do with my time than waste it on a “relationship.” If I was going to relate to people I didn’t want to do it sexually. I felt that I wanted to relate to them in a more meaningful way than that. I was tired of being used, tired of being appreciated only as flesh and nothing else. I was happy to lose the friends who only valued me as T & A. Now, the friends who remained I knew valued me as a human being. I didn’t expect Joe to come along! And, sadly, I didn’t expect him to die at 45.

Many people are extremely upset about the effect of psych drugs on sexual desire. I can’t believe the dismissive attitude of doctors over this. As if we no longer matter. As if they are doing this to patients deliberately. “You didn’t plan on having children anyway.” “What do you want sex for?” “You’re too unstable to have a relationship.” “You won’t be able to handle it.” “You’re not capable of raising a child.” And so on.  There were times that we were told this, too.

Thus, thousands, if not millions of us have been either discouraged from procreating, stopped from procreating, had our kids taken from us by the courts, not allowed to date, been unable to feel sexual desire, been unable to function sexually or had low sperm count or messed up hormones from the drugs, had menstrual complications, been discouraged from becoming pregnant or nursing due to drugs, or had newborns born with drug-induced birth defects. And more.

These drugs are extremely effective in cutting down the overall world population of “mentally ill” if you truly believe these diseases are inherited brain defects. The drugs cut the population growth.

Forced poverty is another factor to the psychiatric genocide closely linked to the drugs since the side effects alone can keep a person unemployed. Poverty alone can affect our tendency to procreate. If we are so dependent on drugs and doctors and have no income nor jobs, it’s not likely that we’ll be able to provide a home, or food and clothing for the child. The chances are high that the child will be forcibly taken from the parents and put into the foster system, whether there’s any fairness or sense to doing so or not. The assumption is that if a person is deemed mentally ill, he or she can’t do a darned thing from then on. If you stay on those pills, this very well may become true, especially over time.

If the intent was not to cause a genocide, surely the sexual effects would have been addressed decades ago. They are still dismissed as a trade-off. You won’t have kids anyway, and this is the only answer to your permanent brain disease, for the rest of your sorry life.

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