Getting ready

Of course, I am very nervous about this possible hospitalization.  Mostly what concerns me is that for whatever reason, I’ll get placed in a psychiatric ward instead of the ED hospital.  But I shouldn’t dwell on that.  I haven’t had psychiatric symptoms for over a year (since I got off Lithium, really) so I don’t think I have much to worry about.  I don’t meet the criteria for psych hospitalization, and if they suggest it, I can simply refuse.  They have no grounds to commit me.

And it is because of this concern that I must not show any hint of psychiatric weakness, no mania, no suicidal thoughts, etc etc because these would be grounds for them to send me to psych.  It is okay to feel hopeless; it is quite another to threaten to jump off a bridge, which I have no intention of doing, anyway.  I am already on shitloads of meds, and for that reason alone they may want to ship me off to psych.  But I have my argument, and if they don’t listen to me, they’ll listen to Dr. P and my therapist at least, who would not approve of a psych hospitalization for me.

And so, being afraid I would not be adequately prepared, I packed for this hospitalization, all the things I would need.  Basically, I was packed already because I am already packed for a trip I’m taking in February.  I like to pack way, way ahead of time everywhere I go, for fear that packing at the last minute I would forget something vital, or I wouldn’t pack “perfectly,” or whatever.  I have never forgotten anything really important, or anything, for that matter.  I think once I left a mitten behind.

There is a chance I won’t be admitted.  My insurance may not cover it.  Or I won’t meet their criteria.  My treatment team, in that case, will be fit to be tied.  I don’t know how I would react if it came down to that.  I guess I’d feel sort of lost and abandoned.  And I wouldn’t be certain where to turn.  Would I have to tough it out on my own?  Figure out some sort of way of magically getting better?  Or just keep on the path I was/am on?

Bodies are strange.  They put up with all kinds of crap from us.  I don’t know why mine has survived all the things I have done to it over the years.  It has certainly done me many favors.  It’s time I repaid some of those.

Posted on January 10, 2010, in News about Me, Ramblings and Blog Essays and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

    Give me a call some time if you ever feel like talking,

    Marsha Z.


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